Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Dick very happy bro
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
