my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Drake has all the answers
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
