Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
