three words: i give head
three words: not that well
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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