I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
