there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Randomize
