Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
