I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
she smelled like a LAN party
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
