pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
