vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Boobs are out for the taking
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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