he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i think i have herpe
just one?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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