I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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