Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
