i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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