The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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