he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
mondays should just be called national damage control day
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
