You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
