i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
