So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Your penis caused this!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
