you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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