i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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