Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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