I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
