I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
