Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
