Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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