you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
