doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
