Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
