Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He better not be in your backpack
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
