Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
