when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
