I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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