you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
did i just pee glitter
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
