How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
