I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
