come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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