Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
