gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
