He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
