Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
