Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
