If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
