You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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