the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
