I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
