I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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