can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
it's like iHOP with fire
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
