PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
