Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
