haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
