he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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